本小品分为三个部分，每个部分由四人共同完成，分组如下
赵本山 丫蛋 小沈阳 毕福剑
Part1 罗超 王立芳 俸诗瀚 耿国兴
y蛋Part2 涂斯婧 张晓菲 孙惟佳 何叔
Part3 何博 赖允丽 黄朋 罗静思
Part 1
Uncle Zhao Here we are.
Yadar Here we are.
Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling: "Scottish Fool."
Yadar You got it wrong - Scottish feel, not fool.
Yadar Here we are.
Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling: "Scottish Fool."
Yadar You got it wrong - Scottish feel, not fool.
Uncle Zhao All right, feel. We're gonna have our meal here anyway.
Yadar But it's very expensive.
Uncle Zhao So whut? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?
Yadar What bag?
Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.
Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.
Uncle Zhao So whut can you do at all? I'm goin' t'rough all this for you and you had the nerve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you?
Yadar Let (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.
Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.
Yadar Still not enough.
Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!
Yadar But it's very expensive.
Uncle Zhao So whut? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag?
Yadar What bag?
Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.
Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.
Uncle Zhao So whut can you do at all? I'm goin' t'rough all this for you and you had the nerve to forget the bag on the bed! Any money left on you?
Yadar Let (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.
Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.
Yadar Still not enough.
Uncle Zhao No matter. Waiter!
(Shenyang, the waiter, enters.)
Shenyang Sorry, sir. We're of high class here. We don't take on stuff from street peddlers.
Shenyang Sorry, sir. We're of high class here. We don't take on stuff from street peddlers.
Uncle Zhao We're your customers. Don't we look like it?
Shenyang Not quite.
Uncle Zhao We're gonna have an important meal here, miss.
Shenyang Don't you call me a miss. I'm a man - from the inside out.
Uncle Zhao Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt?
Shenyang Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's no skirt but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking.
Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah! I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute. You should do you' best.
Shenyang No problem.
Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad?
Shenyang What's wrong?
Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothin' but the best.
Shenyang About 10,000 to 20,000.
Uncle Zhao Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow?
Shenyang Not quite.
Uncle Zhao We're gonna have an important meal here, miss.
Shenyang Don't you call me a miss. I'm a man - from the inside out.
Uncle Zhao Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt?
Shenyang Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style. See, it's no skirt but Capri pants. Look at this, look. Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry. No wonder I feel different while walking.
Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah! I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute. You should do you' best.
Shenyang No problem.
Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad?
Shenyang What's wrong?
Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothin' but the best.
Shenyang About 10,000 to 20,000.
Uncle Zhao Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow?
Shenyang You'll give me an IOU?
Uncle Zhao Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this.
Shenyang What's it?
Uncle Zhao A tip for you.
Shenyang You do understand the world, sir - you look cool!
Uncle Zhao Whut's a hundred yuan to me! Still, you ain't get it for nothin'. When my guest c'mes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doin' so.
Shenyang Like how?
Uncle Zhao Showin' due respect for my guest, yes. Spendin' too much on a meal, no. Whut if I ask for somethin' dear?
Shenyang I'll say "sorry, this we don't have."
Uncle Zhao You're smart. C'me, here's another 30 yuan.
Shenyang I'm not gonna cheat you when it comes to prices.
Uncle Zhao Thank you, boy.
Shenyang Nothing much.
Uncle Zhao Not that. I've got the money anyway. Take this.
Shenyang What's it?
Uncle Zhao A tip for you.
Shenyang You do understand the world, sir - you look cool!
Uncle Zhao Whut's a hundred yuan to me! Still, you ain't get it for nothin'. When my guest c'mes, you put on a show with me. If I order expensive food, you should stop me doin' so.
Shenyang Like how?
Uncle Zhao Showin' due respect for my guest, yes. Spendin' too much on a meal, no. Whut if I ask for somethin' dear?
Shenyang I'll say "sorry, this we don't have."
Uncle Zhao You're smart. C'me, here's another 30 yuan.
Shenyang I'm not gonna cheat you when it comes to prices.
Uncle Zhao Thank you, boy.
Shenyang Nothing much.
Yadar Grandpa, I'm hungry.
Uncle Zhao How much's a bowl of noodles?
Shenyang 78 yuan.
Uncle Zhao Whut noodles can be so expensive?
Shenyang Scottish sauced noodles.
Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too?
Shenyang It's free.
Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste's right. Quick.
Shenyang That's no way to serve a meal, sir.
Uncle Zhao You think so only becuse I didn't show up here before. Now it's time to make s'me change.
Shenyang (to himself) Had I said the noodles are free, he would've asked for noodles. (Exits)
Uncle Zhao How much's a bowl of noodles?
Shenyang 78 yuan.
Uncle Zhao Whut noodles can be so expensive?
Shenyang Scottish sauced noodles.
Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too?
Shenyang It's free.
Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste's right. Quick.
Shenyang That's no way to serve a meal, sir.
Uncle Zhao You think so only becuse I didn't show up here before. Now it's time to make s'me change.
Shenyang (to himself) Had I said the noodles are free, he would've asked for noodles. (Exits)
Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Listen here, Yadar. When Mr. Bi from CCTV's Starlight Broadway c'mes, you must show you' best, OK? It's the best opport'nity for you' own future. Grandp
a's been preparin' you over the past 40-plus years.
Yadar Grandpa, see how old I am now.
Uncle Zhao I prepared you' daddy for 30 extra years. Though he ain't good enough, he's the chief of the township's cultural center. So you really should outdo him. Can you make it or not?
Yadar I can.
Uncle Zhao Swear if you're serious.
Yadar The Yangtze River like the Hong waters rolls on and on,
Each wave behind higher than the one at the front.
Young people are born to challenge their elders;
I'll beach my like a wrecked old ship.
Uncle Zhao Good for you / Well said!
(Shenyang enters again.)
Shenyang Here's the sauce for you.
Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Eat this, so you won't be too hungry.
Yadar Grandpa, see how old I am now.
Uncle Zhao I prepared you' daddy for 30 extra years. Though he ain't good enough, he's the chief of the township's cultural center. So you really should outdo him. Can you make it or not?
Yadar I can.
Uncle Zhao Swear if you're serious.
Yadar The Yangtze River like the Hong waters rolls on and on,
Each wave behind higher than the one at the front.
Young people are born to challenge their elders;
I'll beach my like a wrecked old ship.
Uncle Zhao Good for you / Well said!
(Shenyang enters again.)
Shenyang Here's the sauce for you.
Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Eat this, so you won't be too hungry.
Yadar Grandpa, it's a bit salty.
Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) Fetch her s'me water to drink.
Shenyang You mean free water?
Uncle Zhao Just plain boiled water, you miser.
Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) Fetch her s'me water to drink.
Shenyang You mean free water?
Uncle Zhao Just plain boiled water, you miser.
(Bi Fujian, MC / anchorman of CCTV's Starlight Broadway program, enters.)
Shenyang Why, aren't you that one - Zhujun! Oh sorry. Bai Yansong? Oh no. Or a Bi something! Are you Mr. Bi?
CCTV Man I'm Bi Fujian.
Shenyang Come here everyone, it`s Mr. Bi here. (To CCTV Man) Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up! Come here! He can go elsewhere at any minute.
Uncle Zhao Whut the hell's going on? Anythin' to be so fussy abut? You're being hounded by a wolf?
Shenyang He's Mr. Bi...
Uncle Zhao I know, an' he's the guest I'm honored to keep comp'ny today.
Shenyang Gosh, can I have a picture taken with you, Mr. Bi?
Shenyang Why, aren't you that one - Zhujun! Oh sorry. Bai Yansong? Oh no. Or a Bi something! Are you Mr. Bi?
CCTV Man I'm Bi Fujian.
Shenyang Come here everyone, it`s Mr. Bi here. (To CCTV Man) Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up! Come here! He can go elsewhere at any minute.
Uncle Zhao Whut the hell's going on? Anythin' to be so fussy abut? You're being hounded by a wolf?
Shenyang He's Mr. Bi...
Uncle Zhao I know, an' he's the guest I'm honored to keep comp'ny today.
Shenyang Gosh, can I have a picture taken with you, Mr. Bi?
Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) Wait, wait. (To CCTV Man) Welc'me, Mr. Bi.
CCTV Man Nice to meet you.
Uncle Zhao I've been waitin' all this time for you.
CCTV Man Thanks a lot really. May I have your name please?
Uncle Zhao Which man did you expect to see?
CCTV Man I'm looking for Zhao Tiezhu, chief of Lotus Township's cultural center.
Uncle Zhao You got it. Here's his daddy and
Yadar Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.
Uncle Zhao An' I'm Tiezhu's daddy. Aren't you lookin' for I mean it's right to be looking my way.
CCTV Man Hi, I mean buddy. So where's your son?
Uncle Zhao He's at the township waitin' for you. Local government officials all lining up, too, to pay their pious respects to you. With enormous care they've prepared a great hall, a big room, with a large photo of you hung in the middle. Flowers all around.
CCTV Man What're the colors of the flowers, buddy?
CCTV Man Nice to meet you.
Uncle Zhao I've been waitin' all this time for you.
CCTV Man Thanks a lot really. May I have your name please?
Uncle Zhao Which man did you expect to see?
CCTV Man I'm looking for Zhao Tiezhu, chief of Lotus Township's cultural center.
Uncle Zhao You got it. Here's his daddy and
Yadar Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.
Uncle Zhao An' I'm Tiezhu's daddy. Aren't you lookin' for I mean it's right to be looking my way.
CCTV Man Hi, I mean buddy. So where's your son?
Uncle Zhao He's at the township waitin' for you. Local government officials all lining up, too, to pay their pious respects to you. With enormous care they've prepared a great hall, a big room, with a large photo of you hung in the middle. Flowers all around.
CCTV Man What're the colors of the flowers, buddy?
Uncle Zhao They're all in white and yellow. Lots of folks' waiting for you with signature pens in hands, tears spillin' all over.
CCTV Man Why's that?
Uncle Zhao They're excited.
CCTV Man Let's go there, then.
Uncle Zhao The center asked me to feast you here in town first. How abut that?
CCTV Man Why here?
Uncle Zhao Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling. Do c'me this way please.
CCTV Man But I've had my meal on the plane.
Uncle Zhao You're my guest, so please follow my arrangements.
CCTV Man Why's that?
Uncle Zhao They're excited.
CCTV Man Let's go there, then.
Uncle Zhao The center asked me to feast you here in town first. How abut that?
CCTV Man Why here?
Uncle Zhao Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling. Do c'me this way please.
CCTV Man But I've had my meal on the plane.
Uncle Zhao You're my guest, so please follow my arrangements.
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