中英对照稿
大选年，奥巴马为了博得选举天然不肯放过任何一个推销自己的机会。在此次的白宫记者协会接待晚宴的演说中，奥巴马锋利吐槽、大度自嘲，暗讽对手，用诙谐幽默给自己加分不少。
Host：Could someone back there please turnoff the Presidents mic? I think the Presidents mic is hot, please turn it off. Thank you. Thank you.
后台哪位帮忙把总统的麦克风关一下？我感受总统的麦克风没有关，请帮忙关一下，谢谢，谢谢。
（首尔核峰会上奥巴马与的私聊因为没关麦克风被暴光，之前的G20戛纳峰会中一样因为没关麦克风而暴光了他与萨科齐的私聊，两次事宜都在国内掀起轩然大波。）
Obama：Great. I gotta get warmed up. I...Imso God! I totally had that. Seriously guy
s, what am Idoing here?
太棒了，我来个热身。我……我太爱你……（一月份演讲时他唱过Al Green这首歌）天哪！我真是擅长唱歌！说端庄的各位，我来这是干甚么的？
Im the President of the United States, and Im openning for Jimmy Kimmel? I have the nuclearcodes, why am I telling "knock knock" jokes to Kim Kardashian? Why is she famous anyway?
我可是美国总统啊，我竟然为吉米·凯莫（ABC电视台深夜脱口秀主持人）热场？我是手握核兵器的管辖（美国总统有一只广为撒布的“核按钮手提箱”，里面存放着启动美国核兵器的暗码），干吗要来这给卡戴珊讲“拍门”笑话？她到底为啥出名呢？
（卡戴珊最有名的标签是“帕丽斯·希尔顿的挚友”，她是罗伯特·卡戴珊的女儿，奥多姆的大姨子。卡戴珊因而出名。）
Thats it. Next year we send Biden.Now youre right. Its way too risky.
我受够了。明年让拜登替我来好了。你说得对，这么干太危险。（拜登可是口误帝）
具荷拉与哥哥聊天对话Wow, look at my hair. It really went gray. Do you think anybody would notice if I just went a little darker? Right now like a five on the "Just For Men" scale. I think I would go to 6 and nobody would notice.
哇，看我的头发。一片灰白啊！你说我若是染黑一点会有人发现不？按照“Just For Men”（有名染发产品）的标准，我目前只剩5分黑了。我感受我若是染成6分黑也该当不会有人注意吧。
Is the teleprompter working? Are you kidding? What do you expect me to do out there? I literally have no idea what Im saying tonight.
提词器准备好没？（自嘲演讲全靠提词器）开甚么玩笑？那我一会上场如何语言啊？我底子不知道今晚要说点甚么。
Man! I could really use a cigarette right now.
唉，目前真想抽根烟！（自嘲之前是烟鬼）
Okay, okay, Im going. God forbid wekeep Chuck Todd and the cast of Glee waiting.
好了好了，这就上场。谁敢让查克·陶德（美国国家播送公司政治中心主管）和Glee剧组久等啊！
Host：Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the President of the United States.
女士们先生们，掌声有请美国总统！
Obama：Thank you! Good evening everybody.Good evening! I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight atthe White House Correspondents Dinner. That is great crowd. They are already laughing. Its terrific.
谢谢！早晨好各位，早晨好！本日我怀着非常冲动的心情来列席白宫记者晚宴。这观众太好了，还没最早就笑成这样，太好了！
Chuck Todd -- love you, brother. I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here. And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man. What’s so funny?
My fellow Americans, we gather duringa historic anniversary. Last year atthis time -- in fact, on this very weekend -- we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals.
亲爱的美国同胞们，我们欢聚在这具有历史意义的周年纪念日。去年的这个时间，现实上恰是在统一个周末，我们终于将世界上最臭名昭著的恶人处死。（“大恶人”Trump中，去年晚宴被凶猛吐槽）
Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season. And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to re introduce myself to the American people.So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama.My mother was born in Kansas. My father was born in Kenya. And Iwas born, of course, in Hawaii.
往年，在白热化的大选季我们再次聚会，Axelrod（奥巴马的照料）说我不该当错过任何从新向美国人平易近介绍自己的机会。所以今晚我打算就这样收场：我名叫贝拉克·奥巴马，我母亲出身在堪萨斯，我父亲出身在肯尼亚，而我出身在：当然是夏威夷。（用眨眼来自嘲对手质疑自己出生地证明事宜）
In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormous challenges. Now,some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W.Bush. Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences; yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots. And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight. Let’s give them a big round of applause.
2009年我就任总统时面对浩繁艰巨挑战。目前许多人说我把太多问题归咎于前任身上，但大家别忘了，这样的做法是小布什创始的。（这句自己就是推给前任）从那时起，国会跟我就矛盾不时，但我尽管连结风度，从不阴损吐槽。所以我本日要迥殊谢谢那些从无所事事的百忙傍边抽空加入的国会议员。（这就是cheap shot阴损吐槽啊）大家把热烈的掌声献给他们吧。
Despite many obstacles
, much has changedduring my time in office. Four years ago, I was locked in a brutalprimary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me fr
om Cartagena.
尽管险阻重重，但自我上任以来，许多事都有所窜改，四年前，我跟希拉里在初选中斗得你死我活；四年后，她一喝多就从Cartagena给我发短信（希拉里比来走红的短信照和喝酒照，Cartagena也是特工嫖妓门的发生地）。
Four years ago, I was a Washingtonoutsider. Four years later, I’m at this dinner. Four years ago, It looked like this. Today, I look like this. And four years from now,I will look like this. That’s not even funny.
四年前，我是首都官场圈外人；四年后，我出目前白宫晚宴上。四年前，我长这样；四年后，我长这样；再过四年，我就会长成这样了（摩根·弗里曼）。一点也欠好笑。
Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom -- or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper. I mean, look at this party.We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment. I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference. Unbelievable. Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.
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